So the summer is here and you’re excited to head home, but most of you will be heading in opposite directions of the boyfriend or girlfriend you’ve made here.
So what does this mean for the status of your relationship? Will you do the long-distance relationship for a few months, call it quits or leave it at friends?
As a guy who has successfully accomplished years of long-distance dating, here’s my advice and some pointers to last you the summer. If your relationship is a solid one and you feel like this could be the person you desire to spend the rest of your life with, then for you, this is a great test to find out!
As the old saying goes, distance makes the heart grow fonder! Sadly, sometimes it also makes the eyes go wander!
For those who feel like trying to make it work, this will be a great time period to see if you truly want to be with this person.
Inevitably, you will get a month in and either miss your significant other terribly or you’ll realize... this is not the relationship you want, and BOTH are OK!
Remember your Date Doctor’s cardinal rule: until you’re married, you are single.
(I can hear about 1,200 people thinking terrible thoughts about me after that statement.)
However, the reality is you’re not married and this summer will either leave you incredibly happy or incredibly hurt.
I’ve seen it happen so many times.
Now, I am not saying don’t do it, because it can be done.
My wife and I maintained a three-year, long-distance relationship and we’re all the stronger for it!
Was it incredibly hard and frustrating at times?
However, we both knew what we wanted, and our friendship far exceeded our relationship.
So here are a few tips to make it work if you’re dead set on it.
1. DO NOT spend all your time on the phone. That will get old sooo fast, and you will get sick and tired of each other.
2. DO NOT be controlling or obsessive! You like the other person for who they are, so be content to let them live their life with his or her friends and family and be happy to hear about it at the end of the night.
3. DO NOT set any expectations, because inevitably, one of you will be hurt by failed expectations. Give them your trust and tell them you want them to have a great summer and, if all goes well, you will enjoy them being your significant other still in a few months.
4. BE HONEST! If two weeks into the summer you realize you no longer have feelings for this person, be honest and up front, and just tell them that.
Don’t lie to them and drag them on a roller coaster all summer and have a blast while they’re waiting around for you.
So that’s it! That’s how I would do it and did do it for three years, but if you want my opinion on being in a relationship going into the summer, read on.
What would I do?
Well, funny you ask. I would say to my significant other, “Why don’t we be happy being friends? You go and enjoy your summer and I’ll enjoy mine, and if in two or three months we come back and feel the same way about each other, then great! But if not, then we will be content to continue our friendship with no one being hurt or feelings left high and dry.”
Most of you are young as well as whomever you are dating. Chances are they are not going to be the person you marry. So if I could transport myself back to age 18, when I tried to do this and wound up hurting myself and my girlfriend at the time, I would do it differently.
I would realize these are some of the best times of your lives. You will never have less responsibility than you have right now. Enjoy it with all your heart! Date casually, and don’t tie yourself down to a relationship that might not be there in six months. I promise you will regret it.
However, I know sometimes you have to do it to learn it, so by all means, good luck! Although, I hope you all guard your hearts because nothing is more important than preserving your heart for your future mate.
Have a wonderful summer, enjoy this time being young and remember all the tips I’ve tried to pass on. I’m not some guy sitting behind a computer making stuff up. I have lived through every relationship scenario, and I hope and pray with all my heart that you can take some of the advice I could not take when I was your age.
This will be my last semester at ORU, but I am always willing to give any advice and help I can! Feel free to follow or contact me on twitter at @detroithp77. It’s been a privilege to write for you all. Much love and happy dating!