We’ve all been there; “love” at first sight, touch, talk...etc. We all know that feeling in your stomach when you really, really like someone.

So how can you decide if that feeling of like, love or lust means the person is “the one?”

It’s fairly simple after about the 15th time you experience and lose that feeling. I must have said at least 20 times, “This is the ONE!,” only to lose or walk away from the relationship within months.

So how can you really know? Have you ever asked an older person the infamous question, “how did you know?” They all give the same unhelpful answer! “I just knew it!” Well, I’m glad they’re all prophetic, but for those of us who don’t “just know,” how can we find out?

Let me start by saying this: the myth of finding “the one” is not only ridiculous, but immature, and sets you up for failure. The person who is “the one” is the person standing across from you on the day you say “I do.” Before those words are spoken, it is 100 percent up to you and God who you decide to spend your life with. It’s one of the freedoms God loves to give us! Why would God pick someone for you and give you no choice in it? This thought of “the one” traps people in unhappy relationships they’re too scared to leave for fear of walking out of the will of God.

How can we combat this idea of “the one” while remaining open to God’s will?

1. Make a list. I used to go to school with a girl who had a list of qualifications her husband had to meet...seven pages long! This guy had to be everything from a Navy SEAL to a veterinarian! Unfair to all the guys, by the way. I don’t recommend your list being that long, but I do recommend you write things down such as physical features that attract you, personality and religious preferences, family ethics and backgrounds. Don’t worry, God’s not going to be like, “I know you love godly, driven, tall brunettes, but you’re getting a lazy, short red-headed heathen!” That’s not the God who knows the desires of our hearts. So first, make a short list of things you want in Mr. or Mrs. Right and stick to that. Don’t allow yourself to date people who don’t fit into any of your desires. Our emotions, hormones and insecurities have a way of getting us into relationships we we look back on and wonder what we were thinking.

Don’t get me wrong. If you truly fall in love with someone who by no means meets your list, then maybe you’re one of the few lucky ones. However, most people find if they end up with someone who only temporarily satisfies their needs but doesn’t meet any of their long-term goals, they will eventually be discontent. So stick to your list.

2. Listen to your friends and family! They have been the people closest to you your whole life. I doubt for some reason once you started dating “Spike” they want you to be unhappy and that’s why they don’t like him. Don’t let them pick your mate, but do heed their advice. God gave you friends and family for a reason. Sometimes it’s to smack you and wake you up out of the hormonal dream world we can fall into.

3. Pray about it. Set aside your feelings, hormones and dreams and find a best friend who can go to prayer with you about it. The person you choose to spend the rest of your life with is no little matter. It is hands down the most important decision you will ever make! Don’t rush into any relationship, much less marriage. I’ve met many people who at 18 years old say, “God told me who I was going to marry!” I answer to that, “Did he tell you where you’re going to live? Did he tell you what you were going to drive? Did he tell you what career your going to have?” God’s not stupid, he knows at 18 years old we can’t handle knowing who we are going to marry. If He did, you would miss so many opportunities out of fear of being pulled away from the person God said you were going to marry. I also ask, “Did he tell her, too?” That’s always awkward. God “told” me three times who I was going to marry....It was three different women, and I didn’t marry any of them! So who was confused, me or God?

I’ll put that on my tab.

So remember, stick to my three tips, love God before anyone else and don’t compromise what you want for anyone else.

Then, my friend, when you finally get married, welcome to the wonderful world of constant compromise!